So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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