I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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