How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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