Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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