what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
