I'm drive I can fine osifer
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
