I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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