Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
