I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
