No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
