We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
