We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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