you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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