she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
