Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
