Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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