i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
