Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
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i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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