I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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