Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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