question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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