1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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