the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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