when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
