It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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