That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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