I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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