hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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