Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
