What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Life is so much better after having sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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