His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
