ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
