I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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