the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
