I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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