Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
