Pants 0. Shit 1.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
