i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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