i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
