im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
