Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
