U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
