I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
