Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
