She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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