This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
