No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Send help, water and tortillas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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