He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
