If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
