i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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