please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
