Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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