I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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