Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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