dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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