honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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