She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
