apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
