I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
