Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
