I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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