He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
