There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Houston, we have a blender
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
