grandma shit on top of the toilet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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