Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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