A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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