I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
