We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
