New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
