Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
