There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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