Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
