I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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