I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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