Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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