I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
