Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can you bring me the toilet please
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
