I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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