Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
